My Mother, My First and Forever God

Mom, I have spent my whole life searching for words strong enough to hold the depth of my love for you, but nothing I have written has ever been enough. How can language contain the woman who shaped my bones, who carried my breath inside her before I even knew life? How do I thank the first heartbeat I ever heard, the first hands that ever held me, the first soul I ever knew? If I had an eternity, it still wouldn’t be enough to say everything you deserve to hear.

You were my first home. Before I even had eyes to see this world, before my lungs knew how to steal air from it, I lived inside you. And even when I left your body, I never truly left. I was made from your blood, carved from your love, pieced together by your suffering and sacrifice. Every part of me is a part of you, and no matter how far I go, I will always find my way back to you.

I have seen the way life has tried to break you, how it has stolen pieces of you, how it has left scars on your body and your soul. I have watched you carry pain in silence, burying it beneath your smile so that I wouldn’t feel its weight. I see it now, Mother. I see the sleepless nights, the battles you fought alone, the dreams you put aside just so I could have mine. And I am sorry that I was too young to understand then.

If love had a shape, it would look like you. If devotion had a voice, it would sound like yours. Every lesson you taught me was stitched into my skin like armor, every sacrifice you made built the foundation that keeps me standing. I walk through this world with strength because you gave me yours. But now, Mom, it is my turn to carry you. It is my turn to shield you from the storms, to hold you the way you have always held me.

There is no force greater than a mother’s love, no power stronger than the hands that raised a child from nothing into something. You gave me everything even when you had nothing. You held me when your own body was tired, you fed me when your stomach was empty, and you clothed me when your heart was breaking. And I will spend every breath I have making sure you never have to sacrifice yourself again.

They say a mother’s love is unconditional, but I don’t think that word is enough. It is beyond conditions, beyond reason, beyond understanding. It is the kind of love that defies logic, that moves mountains, that turns pain into tenderness. I have only ever known one thing to be truly holy in this world, and it is you, Mom. You are the first deity I ever worshipped, even before I knew how to pray.

If I could gather the stars and pour them at your feet, I would. If I could steal time and stretch it so you never have to see the end of your days, I would. But I am only human, and all I have to give you is my own life, my own hands, my own love. And I swear to you, Mom, that I will spend every moment of it protecting you, the way you protected me.

I know the world is cruel. I know that time does not stop, that one day I will have to wake up in a world where you do not exist, and the thought alone is enough to tear me apart. If that day ever comes, I will not fight it. Because if I must exist in a life where I cannot hear your voice, where I cannot hold your hands, where I cannot feel your warmth—I will have no reason to keep breathing.

I do not fear death, Mom. I only fear a world without you. I only fear silence where your laughter used to be. I only fear the emptiness of a home that no longer carries your scent. I will fight the universe itself if it tries to take you from me. I will offer my own existence in exchange for yours if it means you will live forever. Because I am not just your child—I am your reflection, your shadow, your legacy.

They say when a mother leaves, she never truly goes, that she lives in her children, in the lessons she taught, in the love she left behind. But I do not want just echoes of you. I want you in full. I want your hands in my hair, your voice scolding me for staying up too late, your eyes watching me with love even when I frustrate you. I want you.

If I could rewind time, I would go back to every moment I took for granted. I would memorize the way you hold me, the sound of your voice calling my name, the warmth of your presence in every room. I would hold you tighter, love you louder, tell you every single day that you are the reason I have survived every storm.

You were the first person to ever love me, the first person to ever know me, the first person to ever call me theirs. And if I could be born a thousand times over, I would choose you as my mother every single time. I would endure every hardship just to be your child again, just to love you again.

I have seen the world, Mom. I have met people, I have chased dreams, I have stood in places I never thought I would reach. But nothing has ever felt safer than your arms. Nothing has ever felt more like home than your voice. I could spend a lifetime searching for something greater, but I know now that nothing greater exists.

I am yours, Mom. I have always been yours. Every heartbeat, every breath, every piece of me belongs to you. And I promise, for as long as I live, I will be your strength, your protector, your home, just as you have always been mine.

So rest, Mom. You have carried the weight of the world on your shoulders long enough. Let me carry you now. Let me be your armor, your shield, your peace. Let me love you in all the ways you have loved me. Because you are not just my mother—you are my everything.